A Different Look

Some of my fellow Cubs' bloggers started posting on which five females are on the "Go Ahead And Schtup Them With No Retribution From The Spouse" list. I'll go with a slightly different take since I really have no list (since this will never happen, why limit yourself to just five?). Here's five ladies that, in their prime, I would have dropped everything to play footsie with.

Teri Hatcher

Sure, she's famous because their real and their spectacular. Good enough for me.

Barbara Bach

Ringo's pushin cushion may have aged a bit. And I'm not sure how she looks today. Hell. She could be 300 pounds. But when she was the Spy that Humped Roger Moore, she was tasty in that red halter-top X thing. And that works for me.

Nikki Cox

She has no talent, no career, and no one will probably ever see her again. Doesn't that make it more, not less likely she'll show up at my house?

Famke Janssen

Trek girl. Bond girl. X Girl.
My kinda girl.

Kari Wuhrer

Kind of in the same mode as Nikki Cox, but their filled with saline. Maybe I'll be the third person in the world to rent "Poison" and she'll come to Chicago to thank me for the $0.02 royalty check she'll get.

And to spin it a little differently, another five that, no matter how tasty the dish, they turned me off so violently that they could show up on my doorstep naked, drunk, holding a full bottle of Glenfiddich 1937, and a CD of Bolero and I would have thrown up at the mere thought of getting sweaty with them.

Rebecca Romijn (nee Romijn-Stamos)

She can't act, owes her career to he willing to be naked as Mystique and going on Howard Stern. She's annoying as hell to listen to. Why is this woman popular other than her bod? There's plenty of better bods.

Britney Spears

Andy Warhol once said everyone gets 15 minutes. She's had 4 years and a few hundred million. Time to go.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

So she parlayed a WonderBra and marriage to an admitted sex addict into an Oscar in a movie in which she bobbed her hair so people would think it was really her dancing. Well, so much for taste.

Jennifer Love-Hewitt

What you get when you combine D-Cups, anorexia, and an inability to emote beyond a smile.

Shannon Elizabeth

Wouldn't do a nude scene in American Pie 2 because she was afraid of getting typecast. What she didn't realize was that Naked Nadia was the only reason anyone remembered who she was. That's the definition of typecast.