Friday, November 05, 2004
Thou Shalt Read This
As our President Re-Elect seems intent on making this country "Born Again Or Else," Ivy Chat publishes it's Sports Commandments!
1) Thou shalt preserve thy Baseball Opening Day and keep it holy.
2) Thou shalt not covet the wives of Kerry Wood, Roger Clemens, or David Wells. Thou mayest covet the wife of Kris Benson.
3) Thou shalt use dark mustard and onions on thy bratwurst.
4) Thou shalt not wait for autographs when one is above age 8 unless thyself is doingst thus for thy under age child.
5) Thou shalt, when eating at a restaurant with thine wife, take thine seat at thy table soest thy can see the plasma TV over the bar.
6) Thou shalt ridicule male cheerleaders.
7) Thou shalt NEVER use the word “WE” when referring to a professional sports team. Thou mayest use “WE” when referring to teams from schools thine attended, beist they high school or college.
9) Thou shalt understand that Salary Caps are communistic, anti-fan, profit protection programs for owners.
10) Thou shalt not bitch to friends and talk radio if your team squanders a crucial game. Thou shalt not believe in conspiracies and tainted referee's call against onest team.
Sports bigamy is against the laws of almighty God. You are allowed to be a fan of one team per sport. The number of the team in which you may root is one. No more. No less.
Over at the Sloth's site a few days ago, we were playing, "Name the 30+ Year Old Hottie." How could we forget Monica Bellucci?
Yeah, the Matrix sequels sucked. But Persephone's dress was X-O-Lent.
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