Thursday, March 24, 2005

Morty Leaves Del Boca Vista

Barney Martin, better known as Morty Seinfeld, died today at the age of 82 after a bout with cancer.

I hope he had good doctors. I can just see his visit to the oncologist:

Barney: They stole my wallet. The bum stole my wallet. MY WALLET'S GONE! MY WALLET'S GONE! I had my wallet in my back pocket. It’s gone.

NURSE: Are you sure?

Barney: Yes, I'm sure. I went in to get my chemo! Somebody takes my wallet. Is that the operation here?

DR. DEMBROW: Mr. Martin, I'm Dr. Dembrow

Barney: I'm not interested in the chemo. I want my money back. Somebody stole my wallet. I had $225 in there.

DR. DEMBROW: Why, I don't see how something like that could have happened.

Barney: Oh, you don't see. You don't see. Well it happened. Believe me.

DR. DEMBROW: All right, Mr. Martin, I am sorry about your wallet but would you like me to have the chemo?

Barney: What kind of clip joint are you running here?

DR. DEMBROW: All right, fine. (leaves)

Mrs. Martin: The least you could have done was hear your diagnosis.

Barney: I am not interested in his diagnosis. He's a bum.

Mrs. Martin: You came all the way from Studio City to see him.

Barney: I want to know what kind of an office this is where you can't leave your pants in the room. You tell me.

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