Here's the Punch Line

By now you've probably heard the news. Jacque Jones is now a Cubs.

Crap, you think. This means no Bobby Abreu. There goes a chance at a solid offense. But at least we only have to watch his 120 strikeouts for one year, right?

Well, it's not one year.

Crap. Hendry had to outbid the Royals and give two years? I know they were offering three years. Jones took two years to avoid the KC Deathtrap and come to Chicago.

Er.... Jones is your outfielder until 2008.

THREE YEARS!?!?!?!?! What did he have to do? Give him $3 million per year?

Er.... $5.3 million per year.

At this point, the paste eating, crayon holding lemming jumps off a cliff screaming.

The Cubs announced Tuesday they have signed free agent Jacque Jones to a three-year, $16 million deal.

From five outs to the World Series to a mess of galactic proportions. There is only one possible plus. When this team races to 74 wins, the Trib, or whoever owns the team in October, will clean house. Dusty, Hendry, MacPhail, everyone.

But watch. In a move of self preservation, Hendry will get a contract extension in May. Just watch.

Up next, the declining of a new contract by Derrek Lee as he wants to "test the waters" (aka find a team that knows how to win). After that, Aramis Ramirez activates his free agency option at the end of 2006. Juan Pierre also decides to test the market as the Yanks will need a new CF for 2007.

January 2007: An unhappy Mark Prior and Carlos Zambrano skip the Cubs convention due to "scheduling conflicts."

Meanwhile, some dopes tell us it's still early and good things are coming.

Early? If it's early, you don't sign Jacque Jones.

Riddle me this: If $13 million is too much for Rafael Furcal, what is $5 million for Jacque Jones.

I'd be violently ill right now if this weren't so damn predictable and funny.

This move only makes sense if he bats 7th. That means it's now Tejada or 4th place.