Just Federing

With the expected firing of morning bores Marc Silverman and Carmen DeFalco from their jobs talk show hosts at ESPN 1000, now seems to be a good time to rate them (TV and radio) from 1 to 14. For the sake of including Pat Foley, we'll include the Blackhawks. The rankings are:

1) Tom Thayer - Tom may not have the most color or flair, but he does praise what needs to be praised and does call things out when they should be called out. What's sad is that mere competence places you at the top of the list. This is CHICAGO, the #3 media market and #2 sports market IN THE COUNTRY. We should have excellent announcers, not simply decent.

2) Pat Foley - He's actually better than Thayer. Much better. In fact, he's the best play-by-play man this town has had since the exit of Jim Durham. The only thing that prevents him from being #1 is that no one ever listens to him. Got an issue with me, Pat? Take it up with the Wirtz's.

3) Pat Hughes - While he does a solid job, what's missing from his work is something that we were reminded of last summer when WGN replayed Harry Caray and the "Sandberg Game." When the Cubs played poorly, Harry got angry and disgusted. He emulated our feelings. Pat can only seem to muster sadness. I want to hear someone as frustrated as I am. That's not Pat.

4) Bob Brenley - Wasn't very good at the beginning. Got more and more critically analytical as he grew back into the job. And as the teamed deserved the criticism.

5) Len Kasper - Gives a solid call of the game and is a fan of Desipio. He seems to "get" the purpose of his job: Describe the game and not promote himself. That said, he comes off as a standard rent-a-mouth broadcaster. He's also younger than me. That gives him time to grow into the job. Here's hoping he does.

6) Darrin Jackson - Was Len Kasper at one time. Never developed.

7) Ed Farmer - Broadcasts in monotone run on sentences. Maybe he could be a writer here. He's bad. John Rooney will be missed.

8) Tom Dore - His picture is in the dictionary next to "Bland."

9) Johnny Kerr - Used to be amusing. Now just boring. Adds nothing to the game unless the game is good. And Bulls games generally aren't.

10) Ken Harrelson - Would be better if he wasn't always personalizing his attacks on other broadcasters. Instead of coming off as an elder statesman of the medium, he comes off as a bitter, washed up dud who blew his chance as a GM and never moved up to the Big Time in broadcasting.

11) Jeff Joniak - His high pitched, whinny voice would be tolerable if he had anything to say. Can't paint a picture of anything. The call of Nate Vasher's field goal return for a TD consisted of, "Vasher at the 20... Vasher at the 30... Vasher at the 40! Vasher at the 30! Vasher in for the TD!" How about a picture, Jeff? Anyone with him? Sideline, down the middle, making moves? Anything, Jeff?

12) Neil Funk - Lost out to Tom Dore for picture rights in Merriam Webster.

13) Bill Wennington - Scientists have finally discovered the cause of the mysterious jumps in time that radio listeners have noticed between Neil Funk's descriptions of the play-by-play of Bulls games. These "time hops" are actually filled with Bill Wennington's voice.

14) Ron Santo - This page's love of Santo the player and distaste of Santo the broadcaster is well documented.

Inc.) Chris Singleton - Just hired. We'll see

Inc.) I hear the Blackhawks actually have a color broadcaster. Unless it's Darrin Pang or Dale Talon, I have no idea who it is.