Schedoodling

We will get to the Bears late today. But first, the Cubs Convention is this weekend. Once again, the Cubs have announced the schedule of events. Ivy Chat is pleased to provide this information to the attendees with some details on each event not included in the press release.

Additionally, since the Convention is actually pointless, we bring you this picture of 24's new leading eye candy lady, Marisol Nichols because having the picture is also pointless. Why Marisol? Her role in 24 is pretty lousy and she was rather ignorable in Chevy Chase's Vegas Vacation (she was Audrey Griswold). But she is from Chicago and is probably a Cub fan. She also is nice to look at.

Friday, January 19
5:00pm-5:30pm Opening Ceremonies (Again, Rehearsal for 2016 Summer Olympics)
6:00pm-6:45pm Autograph Hunt Game (Find the one signed using Sammy Sosa’s syringe)
7:00pm-9:00pm SportsCentral Live (Accurately named due absence of David Kaplan and guest hosting by Milt Rosenberg)
7:00pm-8:30pm Cubs Bingo (Cover four corners of your card before the Cubs cover the four corners of their infield)

Saturday, January 20
9:00am-10:00am Meet Cubs Baseball Management (First Chance to say “Hello” since the purge and last chance to say “Good Bye” before the sale)
9:30am-10:30am The Evolution of Sports Medicine (aka Kerry Wood through the years)
9:30am-10:30am Cubs Jeopardy! (an in depth review of the Cubs double play combination of Mark DeRosa and Ceasar Izturis)
10:00am-11:00am Cubs Care Clinic (Comcast replays their videos of Juan Pierre and Ryan Dempster reading books to grade school kids)
10:30am-11:30am Not For Women Only (Mark Grace explains “Slumpbusting”)
11:00am-12:00noon Vine Line Line (meet the former editorial staff of Pravda)
11:30am-12:30pm Piniella 101 (Celebrate Lou’s upcoming birthday)
12:00noon-1:00pm "So You Wanna Be A Major Leaguer" (Tryouts for centerfielders)
12:30pm-1:30pm A New Beginning (View commercials from 1982 including the “coming out of hibernation” campaign)
1:30pm-2:30pm Tales From The Bullpen (Kyle Farnsworth details the best places to nap in Wrigley Field)
1:30pm-2:30pm The Boys of Zimmer... the Summer of '89 (
2:00pm-3:00pm It's A No-Hitter! 35th Anniversary Celebration (An Al Yellon sob story)
3:00pm-4:00pm For Kids Only Press Conference (Carol Slezak, Paul Sullivan and Carrie Muskat answer questions from people who read at their writing level)
3:00pm-4:00pm Stump The Hughes (Sponsored by Colon Blow)
3:00pm-4:00pm Wheelchair Cubs (Stumps the Santo)
3:30pm-4:30pm WGN-TV: Producing Cubs Baseball (How a shot of a 23 year old in a halter top every 4 minutes prevents ratings from falling)
4:30pm-5:30pm New Guys in Cubs Pinstripes (Meet the Cubs finance department)
4:30pm-5:30pm The Art of Pitching Clinic (Meet Mark Prior’s towel. Hosted by Doug Dascenzo)
8:00pm-Midnight Rock 'n' Roll Revue (Dance the night away drinking $6 beers and well drinks to make you forget how much you paid to revere a sixth place team)


Sunday, January 21
9:00am-10:00am Meet Cubs Business Management (Hosted by the California Avocado Growers Association).
10:30am-11:30am Down on the Farm (Jim Hendry explains why crops don’t grow in Iowa, Tennessee and Daytona)
11:30am-12:45pm "Hello Again Everybody" ... The Harry Caray Story (Remembering when broadcasters had the standing to express disgust with the product on the field)