Capt. Underpants and the Four Flushers

If you take a peak over at the Desipio Message Boards, there's a constantly updated thread with a rather R-Rated name. In that thread, many well learned Cub fans let lose with piles of bile after each and every Cub loss. That made someone ask the question, "Are you going to scream after every loss? They are going to lose some... And they are still in first place!"

Well, there's a pretty good reason why they scream. Our eyes. We see a team in first place, but we also see a team that seems to be doing it with mirrors.

Take today. First inning and Professor Poopypants, aka Rich Hill, takes the mound and lays a 34 pitch turd right next to the rosin bag. The Cubs come back in the bottom of the first and quickly get runners on the corners with one out. Not only do Aramis Ramirez and Cliff Floyd go down quietly, but the whole inning ends with Woody Williams throwing only 16 pitches.

Rich Hill, a guy Jim Hendry told us was untradable because oh so many 27 year old first year pitchers with only 2 pitches do so well in the majors, ends up soft tossing the Astros to 5 runs in 5 innings on 108 pitches.

You see things like this and you want to scream. You see dumbasses like Alfonso Soriano unable to help their team most effectively because of mental weakness. You see the physical weakness in A Ram. You see some of one, and perhaps both in Carlos Zambrano. And you see Derrek Lee, a shell of the player he was two years ago, and question just what has happened to him?

Since Jim Hendry was unable to improve this team significantly via trade, the season will come down to how strong his hand-picked, 4 highest paid players finish the season. Will they finish strong and be the Four Tops? Perhaps. But so long as we see the 2007 Cubs play like idiots, this group of eight-figure salaried players will be known as the Four Flushers.